Rebecca is a 8 year old, 3rd Grade student. She does very well academically, and is well liked by her teachers and peers. She has an outgoing personality and usually a happy girl.
The setting of her target behavior is at home. The target behavior is her avoidance of talking about any type of issues or problems that she has after having a crying episode. The operational definition of her avoidance is to say, "I don't want to talk about it" or to avoid eye contact and go into a different room and shut the door. For example, she got into trouble on the bus, but refuses to say what she did. The function of her behavior is to avoid attention.
This is a tough one! When someone shuts down it really makes communication and understanding a guessing game. Perhaps she is afraid of getting in trouble for whatever she did a second time. If she tells what she did her parents might also punish her,or if she says it out loud she will some how make the offense real or a part of her. It sounds as though she wants to do the right thing all the time and does not want to be thought of as "bad". If she is told "you will not get in trouble", "all people do things wrong, here is an example of something I did at your age..." it might help to get the communication started. If asked, tell me what happened, she may not know where to start, because she may not know exactly what happened. Instead, you could try to ask leading questions like, where were you sitting, who were you sitting by, what were you doing???? Also going to a neutral place of her choosing might help her to open up. If she likes an ice cream place or something like that.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to understand that keeping things inside from the people we love is not healthy, and that you want to help her to learn from what happened to avoid things like that happening again.
I think that she is struggling with some sort of self identity issue and is having a hardtime communicating her feelings. I think that if she were to be taken out to a activity of her choice such as the zoo, a coffee shop or a small picnic and this is where the adult were to hold the discussion then she may feel more apt to open up and discuss things. Although this option isnt always time friendly, I believe it will have her associate communicating feelings with postive exciting events in her life.
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult as an adult to identify and/or explain feelings, and probably even more difficult for an eight year old girl. Perhaps she wants to be the perfect child and any episodes like whatever happened on the bus might tarnish the image her parent(s) may have of her. Taking her to a neutral spot for a discussion is a good idea, but might also require a trained psychologist to ferret out the problem. Helping Rebecca understand that her parents only want to help her with problems is a solution, but perhaps the parents also need to be counseled about how to talk to their child.
ReplyDeleteRebecca might be feeling a powerful embarrassment when she's made what she views as a mistake. Sometimes saying painful or embarrassing things out loud is next to impossible. Having Rebecca write down her feelings might help.
ReplyDeleteSome suggestions:
give her a personal journal
write letters back and forth (pass notes like kids in school!)-- mom shares one thing about her day, Rebecca shares one thing about hers
A marker board labeled "I feel ___________ because _____________" with space for Rebecca to draw a picture of how she's feeling. This could be done every day after school.
I also think it's important to remain neutral if Rebecca is refusing to share due to embarrassment. Maybe having a "safe zone" or a "safe blanket" where Rebecca can be assured that she can speak without any chance of a big, negative reaction.
I think she is struggling with something about herself, whether it's self identity or self esteem or being embarrassed. I think a lot of modeling from different role models would really help. Showing her that it's ok to talk about things and stress on the fact that no one here will judge you. Even if you just start in little chucks, like saying well let’s start out with you just telling me how you felt from the episode on the bus. Based on how they feel about what happened and recognizing that and showings care and love about that might bring down her wall a bit.
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